'strue, y'know. Something to do with the Credit Crunch - so important that I've given it capitals. Not entirely sure what it is - either a tasty new cereal or a complete fabrication caused by people like Robert Sodding Peston (to give him his full name), fuelled by speculation, ill-informed media-type-hype and retarded middle-class Daily Mail readers obsessed with the relative price of their houses. In that sense, it's much like economics and capitalism in general (in the made up sense, rather than the crunchy cereal way - although if Weetabix have rebranded as Oatso-Discontinued-Line-of-Credit since I last looked, then I apologise). Like a simpleton running about a 747 shouting BOMB! BOMB! TERROR BOMB! SHOES! BOMB! only featuring all of your money and all of Iceland's money. You've no personal, attestable evidence of the SHOES! BOMBS! or TERRORS! but it's a fair bet you'll start acting like you do.
Quite where I'm going with this, I don't know. It could get worse - the mere mention of Robert "Self Aggrandising Menace to the Markets" Peston has got me all angried up about Nicky Campbell. And the idiots that populate Radio 5 Live in general. Bloody idiots.
Anyway, yes. There'll be a couple of new categories along soon. How soon, it's too soon to say, but soon. They'll be lovely, I guarantee it. I also guarantee you'll hate them/ignore them (delete as applicable), which is, after all, why I do this.
BYE.
Thursday 9 October 2008
Comments!
Comments, yeah! That's my enthusiastic way of informing you (yes, you. The nebulous you that I am entirely uncertain exists in any corporeal or measurable form. Sort of a person version of the concept of Russell Howard's alleged "talent") that I've actually responded to all the comments that had been left. Even the one I completely didn't understand (you know who you are, Flower Travellin' Band Fan). Leave more. Go on. Please? Look, I'm paying attention now, I wasn't before. I'll actually read them within about a week of being left, not the six months it was previously. Look, don't make me beg. Again.
Returning to Russell Howard. Do I mean Russell Howard? Russell someone at any rate, and I know I don't mean Brand, Grant or Harty (who are, incidentally one of the oldest law firms in New Zealand). Tell you what, I'll describe him, and then we'll see which Russell I mean.
The boz-eyed, gimp-faced horse-tickler of a comedian. The one who isn't a comedian at all, on account of him being a bazillion times more irritating than he is funny. The one who pops up on panel shows, the one who doesn't fit in, the one who seems like the fucking irritating younger brother of your mate - the really spoilt one who always had to be allowed follow his brother around and join in, despite being FUCKING IRRITATING, because if he wasn't allowed he'd tell his mam and ruin everything (including the glue-sniffing), the one that was constantly trying to show off and being embarrassing, the one desperate for approval and acceptance, but going about it all wrong and MASSIVELY PISSING YOU OFF in the process.
The one who looks like he'd be better suited to presenting Blue Peter. Blue Peter in HELL.
Is that Russell Howard?
I'm listening to Metallica. And enjoying it. Sorry. Still, at least it's off Ride the Lightning (it's "Creeping Death" if you're interested), so it has guaranteed ginger riffs. I mean RIFFZ. Sorry again.
Returning to Russell Howard. Do I mean Russell Howard? Russell someone at any rate, and I know I don't mean Brand, Grant or Harty (who are, incidentally one of the oldest law firms in New Zealand). Tell you what, I'll describe him, and then we'll see which Russell I mean.
The boz-eyed, gimp-faced horse-tickler of a comedian. The one who isn't a comedian at all, on account of him being a bazillion times more irritating than he is funny. The one who pops up on panel shows, the one who doesn't fit in, the one who seems like the fucking irritating younger brother of your mate - the really spoilt one who always had to be allowed follow his brother around and join in, despite being FUCKING IRRITATING, because if he wasn't allowed he'd tell his mam and ruin everything (including the glue-sniffing), the one that was constantly trying to show off and being embarrassing, the one desperate for approval and acceptance, but going about it all wrong and MASSIVELY PISSING YOU OFF in the process.
The one who looks like he'd be better suited to presenting Blue Peter. Blue Peter in HELL.
Is that Russell Howard?
I'm listening to Metallica. And enjoying it. Sorry. Still, at least it's off Ride the Lightning (it's "Creeping Death" if you're interested), so it has guaranteed ginger riffs. I mean RIFFZ. Sorry again.
Friday 3 October 2008
Title!
So yeah, I stayed up and that. Watched the debate between Joe Budden and Michael Palin. Christ those two have changed a bit. Palin is a blithering flid, and Ol' Joe did really quite well, making almost no spectacular blunders of any kind. Palin refused to answer any questions, thinking that asserting "I may not be able to answer all the questions as you may expect" allows her to ignore the questions and blather slogans from a crib sheet for 90 seconds at a time. My favourite bit was Biden laying the Maverick Smacketh Down on her after she'd said "maverick" in connection with John "Freakishly Tiny Hands" McCain about 30 times. In summary, it's over to Ollie the Weatherdude:
1. Inspiral Carpets - Bitches Brew
Not fixed at all, I promise. She's a mother, you know. Her in depth policy outlines consist of yelping "I DONE A CHILD! I SPEAKED A HOCKEY!" over and over and over again. And making travelogue television series, of course. The Inspirals don't approve and entirely fail to cover Miles Davis in the process.
2. Muse - Exo Politics
Take the "o" out of the title, and you have the effect rendered on the US presidential election by Sarah Palin. There is no such person as Senator O'Biden, Palin. Muse make a muse-like sound. It's a fine line between having a distinctive sound, and all the songs sounding the bloody same you know, Matt.
3. The (St. Thomas) Pepper Smelter - Words of Pain
Oh the sweet, Peruvian garage irony. I will twist each and every song to meet my thematic ends. She does seem to finds words painful. Well, not so much the words, more the putting them into any semblance of a coherent, pertinent order. Joe did not "preference" his statement with the Bush Administration, Palin. He possibly prefaced it, but I doubt he has any Bushwards preferences. Apart from in the rude sense, of course. He looks a bit of a sly old fox, tbh/f.
4. Tony Christie - Avenues and Alleyways
Theme tune to The Protectors, dontcha know. Struggling a bit with this one, so I'll just content myself with warbling along, instead. She'd probably invade Spain if McCain took his tiny hands to the clumsy war veterans agency in the sky whilst president. They don't trust Spain. Damn Paellofascists.
5. The Cramps - You Got Good Taste (Live)
Here's hoping. You can't normally slip a gnat's chuff between American political candidates (if that's the sort of thing that turns you on, insectological chuffvert), but surely you American types can't actually vote for McCain with her on the ticket. He's old, tiny-handed and prone to carking it over the course of the four years. She'd then be in charge. She believes in the rapture - what the giddy christ would keep her finger off the button (not that button - I reckon her god frowns a bit of secret fapping).
6. Duran Duran - Come Undone
Glossing over the really quite odd selections being made by sPazAmp (although I'll not hear a word said about the Duran. Mainly because I have the world's oddest, and most specific, deafness), you'd think the Katie Couric interviews would have done this to her. But no, thick people can be so politically tribal that she's actually solidifying the core 35-40% or so, as they sit there blithely asserting that she was focused, concise and to the point in her "answers". Just so long as she carries on digusting the remainder of the world, that'll do for me.
7. The Lost Souls - Witch Hunt
It so isn't, Lost Souls. Although that's what you'd get if you were pregant after being raped by your own parent, if Palin had her way. What does she care? Jesus is flying down to collect her in his spaceship at some point!
8. The Temptations - My Girl
This is me raising an eyebrow. In type.
9. Sweet - Wig Wam Bam
Sex in a tent!
10. Furniture - Brilliant Mind
Even Furniture are taking the piss. In the past. With a mighty fucking fine song.
11. John Zorn - A Shot in the Dark
It's how they picked her. FACTUS MAXIMUS.
12. Cheater Slicks - Child of the Moon
Well, I doubt she's human.
13. Melvins - Spineless (feat. Skeleton Key)
No, just brainless.
14. Bir Yagmur Masili - Nasil ne Zaman
It's it Turklish. I don't know what it means. It's nice, though. Six minutes long, too, timefans.
15. Moaners - Chasing the Moon
Bit of a fruitless exercise I would have thought. Sadly, it's an instrumental, so we aren't privy to their views on the matter.
16. Redman - How to Roll a Blunt
Unfortunately it isn't about James Blunt, and it doesn't have "in a carpet and beat him senseless" in brackets after the title.
17. Gas Huffer - Mistake
Poor Tom Price :(
18. Pink Floyd - Lost for Words
Sadly, she wasn't . Lost for sense and direct answers, yes. Words, no. Doggone it.
19. Mad Sin - Ich Kann Nich' Schlafen
Neither can Ich. Ich think.
20. Del Raney's Umbrellas - Can Your Hossie do the Dog?
No, but she can govern Alaska and run for vice-president.
ARF.
BYE.
1. Inspiral Carpets - Bitches Brew
Not fixed at all, I promise. She's a mother, you know. Her in depth policy outlines consist of yelping "I DONE A CHILD! I SPEAKED A HOCKEY!" over and over and over again. And making travelogue television series, of course. The Inspirals don't approve and entirely fail to cover Miles Davis in the process.
2. Muse - Exo Politics
Take the "o" out of the title, and you have the effect rendered on the US presidential election by Sarah Palin. There is no such person as Senator O'Biden, Palin. Muse make a muse-like sound. It's a fine line between having a distinctive sound, and all the songs sounding the bloody same you know, Matt.
3. The (St. Thomas) Pepper Smelter - Words of Pain
Oh the sweet, Peruvian garage irony. I will twist each and every song to meet my thematic ends. She does seem to finds words painful. Well, not so much the words, more the putting them into any semblance of a coherent, pertinent order. Joe did not "preference" his statement with the Bush Administration, Palin. He possibly prefaced it, but I doubt he has any Bushwards preferences. Apart from in the rude sense, of course. He looks a bit of a sly old fox, tbh/f.
4. Tony Christie - Avenues and Alleyways
Theme tune to The Protectors, dontcha know. Struggling a bit with this one, so I'll just content myself with warbling along, instead. She'd probably invade Spain if McCain took his tiny hands to the clumsy war veterans agency in the sky whilst president. They don't trust Spain. Damn Paellofascists.
5. The Cramps - You Got Good Taste (Live)
Here's hoping. You can't normally slip a gnat's chuff between American political candidates (if that's the sort of thing that turns you on, insectological chuffvert), but surely you American types can't actually vote for McCain with her on the ticket. He's old, tiny-handed and prone to carking it over the course of the four years. She'd then be in charge. She believes in the rapture - what the giddy christ would keep her finger off the button (not that button - I reckon her god frowns a bit of secret fapping).
6. Duran Duran - Come Undone
Glossing over the really quite odd selections being made by sPazAmp (although I'll not hear a word said about the Duran. Mainly because I have the world's oddest, and most specific, deafness), you'd think the Katie Couric interviews would have done this to her. But no, thick people can be so politically tribal that she's actually solidifying the core 35-40% or so, as they sit there blithely asserting that she was focused, concise and to the point in her "answers". Just so long as she carries on digusting the remainder of the world, that'll do for me.
7. The Lost Souls - Witch Hunt
It so isn't, Lost Souls. Although that's what you'd get if you were pregant after being raped by your own parent, if Palin had her way. What does she care? Jesus is flying down to collect her in his spaceship at some point!
8. The Temptations - My Girl
This is me raising an eyebrow. In type.
9. Sweet - Wig Wam Bam
Sex in a tent!
10. Furniture - Brilliant Mind
Even Furniture are taking the piss. In the past. With a mighty fucking fine song.
11. John Zorn - A Shot in the Dark
It's how they picked her. FACTUS MAXIMUS.
12. Cheater Slicks - Child of the Moon
Well, I doubt she's human.
13. Melvins - Spineless (feat. Skeleton Key)
No, just brainless.
14. Bir Yagmur Masili - Nasil ne Zaman
It's it Turklish. I don't know what it means. It's nice, though. Six minutes long, too, timefans.
15. Moaners - Chasing the Moon
Bit of a fruitless exercise I would have thought. Sadly, it's an instrumental, so we aren't privy to their views on the matter.
16. Redman - How to Roll a Blunt
Unfortunately it isn't about James Blunt, and it doesn't have "in a carpet and beat him senseless" in brackets after the title.
17. Gas Huffer - Mistake
Poor Tom Price :(
18. Pink Floyd - Lost for Words
Sadly, she wasn't . Lost for sense and direct answers, yes. Words, no. Doggone it.
19. Mad Sin - Ich Kann Nich' Schlafen
Neither can Ich. Ich think.
20. Del Raney's Umbrellas - Can Your Hossie do the Dog?
No, but she can govern Alaska and run for vice-president.
ARF.
BYE.
Thursday 2 October 2008
Sarah Palin: I SO read newspapers, dude
She reads all of them, you know. Everything in front of her. She's an expert on Heat magazine, and her knowledge of the Radio Times is unrivalled. It's a VP Debate commemorative sPazAmp, a desperate attempt to fill the time between now and 2am when I get to sit and wait for which of the vice-presidential-calamaties-in-waiting fucks up first (did Roosevelt really go on television straight after the Wall St. crash Joe, did he? in 1929, before television and before he was in power? DID HE?). Knowing me, I'll fanny about massively and only get to about #8 or so before it starts (I'm a little bored of typing this already tbf/h be fair/honest. If I cared, it'd be a miracle.
1. Demented are Go - Rubber Buccaneer
Something to do with dildonics, I think. But not cyber-dildonics (I didn't make that up, someone said it on telly once. I suspect it may have been Channel 5). It's very good (the song, not Channel 5. Or cyber-dildonics, although I wouldn't presume to cast myself as an expert on the matter). Growly psychobilly greatness, possibly about dildonics. What could go wrong?
2. Elton Motello - He's a Rebel
Bit shit, if I'm honest. Should probably have stuck with just owning Jet Boy, Jet Girl, rather than the album. Oh well. Standard, punk-tinged pop that would have threated nobody had it troubled the charts in the late 70s.
3. Pulp - Joyriders (Acoustic)
Better than the regular version. Popped up as a b-side to one of the two Common People CD singles (not that CD singles have a literal b-side, you know full well what I mean). Reminds me of the mid-nineties (fairly predictably), not a time I like to dwell on. Still pretty genius, mind (the song, not the mid-nineties).
4. Carlos Casal Jr. - Don't Meet Mr. Frankenstein
Okay. Must admit, had no plans to anyway. Also, can you go away and come back again at the end of the month, you jaunty fifties popfrightfest. Ta.
5. Curtis Mayfield - We the People Who are Darker Than Blue
Hello, mauve people. At this rate, I won't even make #8 before the debate.
6. Erasure - Love to Hate You
One of my three favourite Erasure songs. A non-existent prize to anyone naming the other two. Motivation? I got it seeping from every pore.
7. Roy "The Orb" Orbison - Pretty Paper
It's not even Christmas, you fool. As majestic as The Orb was, it's not a patch on the Reverend Horton Heat version, which is the version I'll be listening to when it actually IS Christmas. Also, sad song, bad sPazAmp. We're not to have sad songs anymore.
8. Jeff Buckley - Lover, You Should've Come Over
Yeah, and you shouldn't have gone swimming in your boots, you selfish tool. Also, what bit of "no sad songs" don't you understand sPazAmp?
9. Mark Ronson (ft. Daniel Merriweather) - Stop Me
Better than the original. Stick that in your cardigans and moon over it, Moz lovers.
10. Public Enemy - Mi Uzi Weighs a Ton
Does it, Chuck? Does it really? A ton you say? A gun weighing a whole actual ton? Bet you don't have a gun at all, never mind a ludicrously weighty one. Go home and just think about what you've done, mister. You've let me down, you've let the school down, you've let yourself down, you've let the gun-weighing-association down. Tsk.
11. Guana Batz - Saving Grace
Can't type. Misty eyed.
12. The Bees - These are the Ghosts
Thanks, Bees. Although if I'd wanted the guided tour, I'd have arranged it with Yvette and Derek.
13. Simple Sarah vs. Joe the Flid
Sorry, ran out time.
Like, BYE.
1. Demented are Go - Rubber Buccaneer
Something to do with dildonics, I think. But not cyber-dildonics (I didn't make that up, someone said it on telly once. I suspect it may have been Channel 5). It's very good (the song, not Channel 5. Or cyber-dildonics, although I wouldn't presume to cast myself as an expert on the matter). Growly psychobilly greatness, possibly about dildonics. What could go wrong?
2. Elton Motello - He's a Rebel
Bit shit, if I'm honest. Should probably have stuck with just owning Jet Boy, Jet Girl, rather than the album. Oh well. Standard, punk-tinged pop that would have threated nobody had it troubled the charts in the late 70s.
3. Pulp - Joyriders (Acoustic)
Better than the regular version. Popped up as a b-side to one of the two Common People CD singles (not that CD singles have a literal b-side, you know full well what I mean). Reminds me of the mid-nineties (fairly predictably), not a time I like to dwell on. Still pretty genius, mind (the song, not the mid-nineties).
4. Carlos Casal Jr. - Don't Meet Mr. Frankenstein
Okay. Must admit, had no plans to anyway. Also, can you go away and come back again at the end of the month, you jaunty fifties popfrightfest. Ta.
5. Curtis Mayfield - We the People Who are Darker Than Blue
Hello, mauve people. At this rate, I won't even make #8 before the debate.
6. Erasure - Love to Hate You
One of my three favourite Erasure songs. A non-existent prize to anyone naming the other two. Motivation? I got it seeping from every pore.
7. Roy "The Orb" Orbison - Pretty Paper
It's not even Christmas, you fool. As majestic as The Orb was, it's not a patch on the Reverend Horton Heat version, which is the version I'll be listening to when it actually IS Christmas. Also, sad song, bad sPazAmp. We're not to have sad songs anymore.
8. Jeff Buckley - Lover, You Should've Come Over
Yeah, and you shouldn't have gone swimming in your boots, you selfish tool. Also, what bit of "no sad songs" don't you understand sPazAmp?
9. Mark Ronson (ft. Daniel Merriweather) - Stop Me
Better than the original. Stick that in your cardigans and moon over it, Moz lovers.
10. Public Enemy - Mi Uzi Weighs a Ton
Does it, Chuck? Does it really? A ton you say? A gun weighing a whole actual ton? Bet you don't have a gun at all, never mind a ludicrously weighty one. Go home and just think about what you've done, mister. You've let me down, you've let the school down, you've let yourself down, you've let the gun-weighing-association down. Tsk.
11. Guana Batz - Saving Grace
Can't type. Misty eyed.
12. The Bees - These are the Ghosts
Thanks, Bees. Although if I'd wanted the guided tour, I'd have arranged it with Yvette and Derek.
13. Simple Sarah vs. Joe the Flid
Sorry, ran out time.
Like, BYE.
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