Bim Jeam

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you...the one word sPazAmp. Guaranteed longer titles than comments, all of the time. Fun, meet your redefinition. Tedious Irritation, put Fun's coat on and do your best impersonation.

1. Mark Lanegan - I'll Take Care of You
Whiskygruffgravelsex.

2. Roxy Music - Both Ends Burning
Pyroarse.

3. Robbie Williams - Life Thru a Lens
Cockfarmer.

4. Cliff Richard - Congratulations (in Spanielish)
Bumwipe.

5. The Move - Useless Information
Bostin!

6. Bryan Ferry - Piece of My Heart
Ventricle.

7. Air - Talisman
+4Str

8. Kingmaker - End of the Line
*sniff*

9. Daniel Johnston - Love is Like a Toy
Vibrofilth.

10. Hayden Thompson - Blues, Blues, Blues
Blues.

Okay so this is about as much fun as listening to the Stephen Nolan phone-in show for Angry Retards on Radio 5. Which is, in turn, about as much fun renovating your rectum with a pencil. In light of this, the second half will be a regular sPazAmp - no increase in fun for you, a two percent swing to fun for me.

11. Los Gatos Locos - Someone's Gonna Get Their Head Kicked in Tonight
Brazilian. And awesome. A bit like everybody's favourite retard-faced midfielder, the wonderful, and wonderfully gormless, Anderson.

12. Bobby "Boris" Pickett & the Cryptkickers - Monster Mash
Especially nice with Ghoulash. Sorry. Really, really sorry.

13. Blyan Felly - Tokyo Joe
Lacist.

14. Roxy Music - Serenade
Look, it's a genuine coincidence. Honest, it is. Stop it.

15. Pearl Jam - Who Are You
I'm David. Hi.

16. Soft Machine - Why am I so Short?
Because you've only got little legs, E.T.

17. Bill Allen - Please Give Me Something (to Remember you by)
How does herpes grab you?

18. Isaac Hayes - By the Time I get to Phoenix
They'll have moved it. You can practically guarantee it.

19. Psychic TV - Just Like Arcadia
Only without the former members of Duran Duran, I suspect.

20. Twilight Singers - Number Nine
It has Mark Lanegan's whiskygruffgravelsex voice noises, and then it has Greg Dulli's soulfulseedysex voice noises. It has all the sensibilities of a classically epic Dulli tune, with a seasoned dash of Laneganisms. It may lack the brutal confessionalism of "Be Sweet", and Greg may have mellowed (well, more sort of marinaded) from the urgency of "Miles iz Ded". If you need more from music than Greg letting rip at the three minute mark, then to be quite frank you don't deserve to have your own ears, you spack.

GOODBYE.