Yeah!

Or possibly no! It all depends on your point of view, really. Gird your loins (or possibly lions, if your a bestial welderer. Come on, keep up with the self-referential navel-gazing tugfest masquerading as a running joke), splice your mainbrace, get naked and get your sPazAmp on! All new (well, the songs probably won't be), all singing (apart from the instrumentals), all dancing (mainly me. In my chair. Like a big spacker), ALRIGHT!

Ahem.

1. Pink Floyd - Fat Old Sun
A nice, gentle, fuzzy start. One of the two John Peel versions, the shorter, not as good version. In fact, the third best version I have. Update your charts, do NOT drink your weak lemon drink.

2. Marble Sheep - Fla Fla Heaven
Has this been on before? I suspect it has. Long, slightly mentally-uncertain Japanese poprockadelia. Hugely inoffensive, distinctly endearing, sort of like mid-period Flaming Lips (if they had a bit of a clue) crossed with Captain Sensible-era Damned, seasoned with a dash of Wedding Present (c. Bizarro), and sounding nothing like the description whatsoever. You'd likely as not hate it, but then, you're stupid and your ears are nowhere near as well developed as mine. Suck on that, biotch.

3. Billy Joel - Piano Man
I AM THE PIANO MAN . Joke for two people, one being me and the other being someone who won't be reading this. Damn you Richard. WE DIDN'T START THE FIRE. Oops, sorry.

4. Pulp - Common People (peel session)
TELL HER ABOUT IT. It's Common People, by Pulp. On a Peel Session. I'm reasonably sure you can work out what that sounds like. It's not like you're totally retarded.

5. Mojo Nixon & Skid Roper - Debbie Gibson is Pregnant with my Two-Headed Lovechild
The title says it all. I feel any comment from me at this point would be entirely superfluous. OCTIN TEAR .

6. Los Manganzoides - Lluvia de Fuzztones
No idea what they're on about, don't speak spanielish. I reckon, but I might be wrong, that it's something to do with The Fuzztones. What with the word Fuzztones being in the title, and with them sounding a bit like them, in an Argentina-y way. No, I know - my insight really does know no bounds.

7. The Smiths - Hand in Glove
The heartwarming tale of mitten-based fisting. With added pointless, and irritating, harmonica.

8. Morita Doji - I Become a Lonely Wind Without You
Proof, if proof be need be , that you don't need to understand the lyrics for a song to make you want to do a cry. A tough, rugged mancry, of course. But a big slice of sad, all the same. Smothered with lashings of extra thick, double strength Upsetting Custard. What a shit overstretched analogy.

9. The Who - Glittering Girl
Proof, if proof be need be , that the lyrics don't need to make any sense or carry any sense of pertinence to make you want to do a cry. Not having the best run of sPazAmp luck, really.

10. Soundgarden - Into the Void
It's, like, Soundgarden, impersonating Slack Babbath. Probably because it's a Slack Babbath song and the tiny grunge-elf Cornell is doing his darnedest to sound like Ozzy. So there you go.

11. Chris Cornell - Fell on Black Days (live in Sweden)
Didn't take long for sPazAmp to get all cocky and start theming, did it. Not great, not horrible. It's the Heinz Tomato Soup of music.

12. Offspring - Why Don't You Get a Job
Well, why don't you stop outing the stuff I really like that makes everyone laugh at me, sPazAmp. Plus, I SO have a job. It's shit and annoys me.

13. The Singing Loins - So Long, My Old China
Oh fucking thank fucking you, sPazfuckingAmp. Yes, it's a fucking splendid fucking song, but really, on fucking top of everything fucking else, it's fucking not fucking one I want to be fucking hearing at this time of fucking year. Sorry for the swears, came over all Gordon Ramsay there (not in a rude way, urgh). Fucking.

14. R.E.M - Everybody Hurts
Oh for fuck's sale sPazAmp, you're just taking the piss now. It's not even as if I've even vaguely had a hint of liking this since about 1992 (and even then the Elvis theftery was testicle-ticklingly obvious). It's like, sung by Michael Stipe, and blablabla . Still making me do a sad, mind.

15. Edgar Broughton Band - Mr. Cosby
Probably not about Bill, sadly. Still ace though, despite the presence of fucking bongo(e)s.

16. Smog - I Was a Stranger
I seem to have acquired a sPazAmp channelling the spirit of a sPazAmp normally reserved for South Wales teenagers with a passion for emo, facebook groups and suicice. Although with different songs, natch. If I didn't know better (and I rarely do), I'd swear it was trying to do me in. Dastardly technology.

17. Roxy Music - 2HB
My favourite song about pencils. Just about one of my favourite songs ever, tbh be honest. When I have space, time and inclination, I shall have to while away hours listening to the vinyl, just like I did as an angsty, moody teen - one who thought a parting and a massive Ferry-like flick was a good idea. Personally, looking back, I don't think it was. I didn't notice at the time though, so it's all good. Except it isn't, because I was an angsty moody teen. A vicious circle of the most pointless and vacuous kind. Corking song, though.

18. Magnetic Fields - Book of Love
Look, sPazAmp, keep this up and I'll be going back to sPazTunes. I'll even buy an iPod to really rub it in. Cheer me up, for the love of grud, drokk it.

19. Husker Du - Eight Miles High
Insert your own umlauts. In your anus. This is little cheerier, sPazAmp. You well know just how inexplicably sad I find this song, you massive tool of a piece of software. Still, any excuse for a massive nihilistic scream, so I guess I'll forgive you.

20. Scissor Sisters - Return to Oz
The double whammy of outing a musical joy derided by others and persisting with depressing me. You really are heading for a life in the recycle bin, sPazAmp. Still, reminds me of two of the best gigs I've been to (no kidding), both of which have a tiny sadness attached all of their own. Oh, the boundless, untrammelled joy.



That wasn't nearly as much fun as it used to be. Like the worst comeback album ever. Hint: when your sPazAmps make St. Anger look good, give up.