Friday night blah blah blah. Nothing better to do blah blah blah. sPazTuning ahoy blah blah blah.
Derek has recently been doing a lot of work as a special ambassador for the UN. Here, in an unmissable opportunity, he is about to enforce upwards of three thousand UN sanctions against pious twattishness (left) and utter fucking butt-ugly and plain wrong crimes against music, ears, facial hair and kittens (right).
He's not stupid, he's clearly going to take out Bonio first. Clever Dalek. Take out the ringleaders first.
Anyway on with the show/fun/tedium/abhorrent crapulence (delete as appropriate).
And the first song out the hat is...(I don't actually keep songs in a hat, by the way)...
1. The Sting Rays - Math of Trend
Whee, what a start. If I did keep songs in a hat, this would have to be kept in a great big special diamond-encrusted gold one. Just about the single most unbelievably ignored band [/rank hyperbole] EVER. A perfectly unique blend of psychorockabilly, garage influences, slightly incoherent singing, (ever so slightly post) punk and general musical marvelousness. And unfeasibly gargantuan quiffs, too. And what is more, this is one of the (un)holy triumvirate of magnificent Sting Rays songs (along with "Joe Strummer's Wallet" and "Behind the Beyond"). Sing hosanna!
2. Mark Mulcahy - Jason
Jingly jangly. A bit earnest. Usually ace. Sometimes sounds like Kermit the Frog. This isn't one of my favourites to be honest. Pleasant enough, though. It's about Jason Donovan. Possibly.
3. Terry Reid - Something's Gotten Hold of My Heart
Ah, poor Terry Reid. Could have been in Led Zeppelin instead of Bobby Plant. Should have been really, really, really famous. Didn't manage either. And to top it all, when they came to reissue the marvelous stuff he came out with before River, the stuff most folk ignore, they stuck a picture of him on the front that made him look a prize twunt. An ugly female twunt, no less. Poor chap. Still, he was blessed with a truly tremendous voice and a set of industrial power lungs to match. Treat your ears, track down a copy of Bang, Bang, It's Terry Reid for some genuinely magnificent sixties bellowing, crooning and top notch tunery. Failing that, get the double disc Superlungs compilation and laugh at his ugly pasty girl's face on the cover. JUST GET SOME TERRY REID (that isn't River, we've been through this). His cover of Bang, Bang is truly a thing of (slightly mental) wonder.
4. Julie Driscoll - Walk Down
sPazTunes is trying to theme again, matching sixties goodness with sixties goodness. If I was forced at gunpoint (and with incredible advances in medical science) to become a singing woman, I would choose Julie Driscoll's voice. I'd also later sue the people who forced me into a gender change against my will, but that is entirely another matter. I'd probably chain myself to railings somewhere, or possibly run out in front of some horses during one of the famous races. I'd keep the voice, though. The song is a good 'un, too.
5. The Out Cast - You've Gotta Call Me
No way - first off you're Japanese, and secondly you're from the sixties. So not only would it cost me a fortune in call charges, it would also be impossible. Besides, you're probably too busy indulging in your own quite peculiar Japanese take on the whole freakbeat thing.
6. The Milkshakes - Flat Foot
Notable by their absence from the last few. I think it's a sign of the sPazTunes increasing cockiness, seguing Japanese freakbeat into the premier garagey revivalists. It's an instrumental, like most of the ones with bizarre titles. Although there is a bit of vague shouty screaming buried in amongst the jangling and jaunty swinging. Whatever the hell that means.
7. Wedding Present - Bewitched
Slight shift in tone. It's quite obviously fucking magnificently beyond praise, and if you don't agree then you are very likely deaf. Or stupid. Or dead. OR ALL THREE. They were the reason the world didn't need to have Pavement (the band, not the walking surface) invented, and this song is as good an example of that as any. And it must be true, because a Pavement (the band, not the walking surface, although I suppose they approve of that, too) fan agrees with me. In your FACE Malkmus. 6m46s of pure, sublime, ecstatic musical pleasure, motherfucker. Praise be, sPazTunes gods!
8. Pink Floyd - Learning to Fly (live)
It's the version off Pulse. When A Momentary Lapse of Reason came out, this very song was my absolutely favouritest song off the album. But, as time passed it treated the song rather shabbily. As a result, whilst I still find it pleasant (and if anything, I now prefer this version), I find it to sound distinctly dated in a way that others on the album aren't. I'm not entirely sure what I was doing having a favourite song off AMLOR when I was 15, to be honest. I was an odd child.
9. Captain Ahab - Flash of the Blade
It's a very odd (and rather dull) mental electro cover of an Iron Maiden song. What I wouldn't give for it to be the original...
10. Pearl Jam - I am Mine
One of my favourite Pearl Jam songs. In fact, one of my top ten (as I found out in an unrelated matter, earlier). It sort of swings and lollops and Eddie is in fine voice (as he has increasingly been for over ten years now - not that most of the world would know, completely ignoring them as they have since Ten, dismissing them as some form of grunge-lite. Too busy jamming their weaselly heads up Evan "Mutant Cobain" Dando's rusty bullet hole, no doubt. The vapid, talentless pool of gnat spaff). Ahem, yes, it's lovely and his voice sounds a smidge like Mark Lanegan's (minus some of the character and all of the heroin, whisky, cigarettes etc).
11. Billy Childish & Holly Golightly - Upside Mine
A veritable highpoint of their In Blood collaboration. I don't think I really to labour the Medway point by now, do I.
12. The Who - Someone's Coming
The Who don't show up enough, considering that pretty much their entire output is on there (well, aside from all that turgid shite they churned out post Who's Next - with one or two notable exceptions, of course). I reckon sPazTunes cheats, you know. Nefarious software.
13. The Benny Hill Theme (Yakety Sax)
A king amongst theme tunes, and way better than Bacharach's theme for Casino Royale, which just sounds like a poor man's version of this. I am filled with a strange urge to chase a gaggle of scantily clad ladies around a field at ludicrously high speed and slap a short bald man on the head (that is not a euphemism). It's the full four and half minute version, theme tune fans!
14. Pink Floyd - Point Me at The Sky (mono version)
A better Floyd selection than the last one, as I'm sure you all already now. Quite pretty and lovely, it really is (if a tiny bit tainted with Beatlesosis). Bit lazy though, sPazTunes, get your act together.
15. The (
JamieC of this very parish is the SECOND BIGGEST FAN OF THIS BAND IN THE WORLD (according to Last.fm). He loves him his sixties peruvian psyche, does Jamiebobs. It's true, he goes to conventions and everything. And yes, it is a cover, in case you were wondering. A very good one at that, too.
16. Led Zeppelin - Rock and Roll
WORSHIP THE RIFF! And also, listen to Bonzo beat the living crap out of them drums. Every song should be this good (although the ones that are better than it, such as "Immigrant Song" can stay better than it. I mean, it would be stupid to make them lessen their greatness just to fit in, for chrissakes). Very possibly my favourite non Keith Moon/Carlo Little drumming, fact fans.
17. Melvins - Going Blind
Let the Melvins grind your innards out. It's fun!
18. Sex Pistols - I Wanna Be Me
I'm not stopping you! It'd be a bit weird if Sid wanted to be someone else, though, he's dead!
19. The Dirtbombs - Here Comes That Sound Again
If the Specials had been all about the thrusting, driving garage-tinged splendour instead of ska, they would have made this song. Don't ask me why, they just would. No, it makes no sense to me, either. Also, as much as I love The Dirtbombs, their songs of this ilk have a lot to answer for, if you ask me.
20. Inspiral Carpets - Generations
Hurrah! One of my favourite Inspirals songs. As decent a way as any to end, I reckon. No Scary Rap Dudes though, bah.
Well, there you are. Whether you like it or not. HA.
Had enough? Tough, I ain't stopping.
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