He insisted on a little publicity shot. I couldn't really say no, he is a murderous mutated beast with a death-ray. You don't argue with them. Plus, I get a discount.
On with the fun! What? The fun has been cancelled? Oh well, on with the sPazTuning then! (well once Mr. Blue Sky has finished again. Sort of a pre-match pep thing. A bit like Rocky with Eye of the Tiger, or Huw Edwards with the theme from the News programme).
1. Demented are Go! - Satan's Rejects
Seem to be something of a sPazTunes favourite, quite disproportionate to the amount of their songs that I have. Still, it's a fine example. Indeed, it is the first song I heard by them, the one that inspired me to track down the rest of their stuff. No, Derek, I DON'T want onion rings. Stop trying to give me onion rings. They make the keyboard greasy.
2. Mark Lanegan Band - Come To Me
No. You will come to me. You will bring the human PJ Harvey with you. YOU WILL...get OFF the keyboard, Derek. It isn't your go yet. Be patient. Not a highpoint of the album, which is what angered Derek so. Can't say as I blame him, really. In the vast wealth of magnificent Lanegan goodness available, sPazTunes had to choose that one. It's enough to make anyone want to tunnel to the centre of the earth, hollow it out, install a big engine and go driving around the universe, really.
3. The Undertakers - Sheila
A neo-Garage hymn to Australian slang. Possibly. Average at best. Also average at worst, as that is pretty much what average means. Average.
4. Gas Huffer - Money: 1, Fun: 0
Ah, the splendid Huffers. A bit of Sex Pistols Riffage larceny at the start (which makes it third or fourth hand already), but it's all fun. Short, too.
5. NoMeansNo - Some Bodies
Canadian WrongWrock. I just made that up, and am quite chuffed with it. Y'see, some of the band are called Wright, and one them is humorously called Wrong and, oh never mind. A fine song from a fine band. Everyone should have at least one NoMeansNo song, but possibly not this one. If you were only going to have one, I'd recommend "Dad". Because it is better. OBEY!
6. Pearl Jam - Arc
YOU WILL NOT MOCK. YOU WILL NOT MOCK. YOU WILL NOT MOCK.
(ta derek. not really their best, mind. a bit of filler off of Riot Act)
7. Rammstein - Das Alte Leid
DAS RIFF! Oh Rammstein, why is your last album such a let down? Why can't it all be like this, forever? YOU TWATS. You let that stupid bint out of
8. Percy Sledge - It Tears Me Up
Proof that sPazTunes DOES have ears and DOES listen to you! There I was, a sPazTune ago or so, berating it for giving me the obvious side of Perce, and now it gives me this exercise in gloriously, wonderfully magnificent southern soul heart-string-tugging. It's bloody wonderful, this song, bloody wonderful. Go and find it. Go on. Don't make me send Derek round.
9. The Doors - Five to One (Live at the
I'll take those odds! I'll have a tenner each way, please! SO much better than the studio version. And all you Doors Haterz can eat my death-ray. That isn't a rude euphemism.
10. The Hentchmen - Like You Used To
A wonderful garage homage (a gomage. or harage) to Sam the Sham and The Pharoahs. Grrreat, as that big mong of a pretend tiger would say.
11. U-Men - Too Good to be Food
Good ol' U-Men. Grunge before grunge existed, and so much more besides. Such a wonderfully sleazy and menacing voice. Ace. Shame there is only the one proper album.
12. Tom Jones - Where Do You Belong
Where do YOU belong, Tom? In DFS with all the other massively leathery objects. Tom - the singing Sofa. Only kidding, I love you really Tom (although you are still massively leathery). Bog standard album filler ballady workout for Tom's pipes. And no, I am not referring to his genitals.
13. The Who - A Quick One, While He's Away (Live at
Splendid. About nine songs in one, all of them by The Who, and all of them ACE. Also, this song (but not this version, obviously) helped (along with Jethro Tull) to show The Rolling Stones up as the bunch of wrinkly chancers they really are at that special concert thing they did that's on that film thing. Rock'n'Roll Circus, or whatever the stupid pile of shit (Who & Tull excepted, that is) is called. HA, in your rubbery FACE, Jagger.
14. Inspiral Carpets - Gimme Shelter
sPazTunes is getting cocky, I think. It's started theming things based on my commentary. Widdles over the original from the top of
15. David Holmes - Howard Blake/An Elephant Called Slowly
I have the original, sPazTunes. You could have chosen that, for God's sakes. I mean, this works well in the context of the mix, but I'm not listening to the mix! I'm listening to the one song! Give me my unremixed Howard Blake goodness, you bastard software! NOW! Bastard. It has flutes and stuff. It's brilliant.
16. Question Mark & The Mysterians - Set Aside
Plinkly plonkly twangy instrumental toss. It isn't "96 Tears", it isn't modelled on "96 Tears", it's by ? & The Mysterians, therefore it is generally safe to assume that it is shit. And how.
17.
The sad bit, after everyone gets shot down/blown up. *sniff* Terrorists your game is through, and now you have to answer to
18. Screaming Lord Sutch - Rock-a-Billy Madman
Sadly now more remembered for his "amusing" attempts at being elected. Never mind that his band was responsible for Keith Moon's drumming, Jimmy Page and a shitload of good music, no. Never mind that, let him be remembered for being that tit in the stupid hat stood next to someone dressed as a giant squirrel or something at a by-election. Poor man.
19. The Litter - Somebody Help Me
No. Do it yourself, you lazy swines.
20. Dr. Dre & Ice Cube - Natural Born Killaz
SCARY RAP DUDES AHOY! A post NWA highpoint for both of them, by about three bazillion miles. That Dr. Dre is was doomed to be a killer since he came out the nutsack! And he's hot like lava, you know. If you got a problem he got a problem solver and his name is REVOLVER! . And Ice Cube? Terror illustrate his era, and he can't hang around his momma 'cause he scares her! Plus he ain't seen the sun in 66 days (possibly afraid of meltage)! And FUCK Charlie Manson! He drags him out his truck and hit him with a brick and he's DANCIN'! I LOVE this song, so much.
An up and down mix, but at least it ended on the highest of high notes, motherfucker. EXTERMINATE, G! EXTERMINATE, G! EXTERMINATE, G! Even Derek has got in the Scary Rap Dude Mood. Well, don't we all at one point or another. Bitch.
Oh, the humanity. I might go for the hattrick. Cashback!
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