So I'm a day late. Shoot me, already. It's all part of my public service - this time, I'm taking the opportunity to show that I have nothing better to do on a Saturday Night, either.
I was going to have another World Cup themed sPazTune (again, no actual theme, just a case of merrily coincidental timing). But then Wayne Rooney accidentally tried to castrate Thiago with his boot and (Not the Real) Ronaldo did his darnedest to earn himself multiple fractures at United pre-season training before Frank Lamplard demonstrated the fine art of missing bovine arses with banjoes once more. So I thought to myself, I thought, stuff the World Cup. In it's place I bring you a Dr. Who themed sPazTune (fingers crossed for some actual theming, there's at least three versions of the theme on there), in honour of the splendour of tonight's episode and the wonder that was the Love & Monsters episode (it seemed only fair, I'm having a bit of an ELO-a-thon just now).
It's brought to you in part by Derek Dalek, proprietor of Derek's Exterminated Poultry Parlour. Poor Derek was fashioned with no gun and two of the little blow torch grabby things so he thought, hey, why not burn things and deep fry animal bits for money. I can particularly recommend the Resistance is Futile Family Bucket, with free dip. Yum! Yum! YUM!
Right, so we'll just let Don't Bring Me Down finish, then it's on to the randomness that is sPazTuning. Enjoy! Enjoy! ENJOY!
1. Jethro Tull - Thick as a Brick (Live at
A nice snappy number to open. Well, it's all relative. The live version is a mere 12 minutes or so, the regular version is nearer 45 (although split into two parts). I feel reasonably sure it's the same effort that appears on the double live album Burstin' Out (what an unappealling thought). It's all very good, but it isn't as good as the proper one, if you ask me. In fact I don't if you ask me, I'm bloody well going to tell you anyway. So there. One-legged flute playing ahoy! Even Derek approves, he's deep-frying a mouse in its honour. Squeak! Squeak! SQUEAK! *sizzle*
House of Kacks, more like. A mediocre surf-like effort from Pebbles Vol. Bazillion. NEXT! NEXT! NEXT!
3. The Wolfmen - I Don't Want No One
It's off the wonderful split double 7" with The Mummies. I say wonderful, I mean The Mummies bit is wonderful. I didn't even want The Wolfmen bits, I just wanted The Mummies doing Land of 1000 Dances and Victim of Circumstances (and the free Coop comic too, of course). It's a little bit garage, a little bit psychobilly and a little bit shit.
4. Belle & Sebastian - A Space Boy Dream
Daleks live in space. They seemed to have missed out on exterminating this one. Shame. DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! What? Oh, sorry, yes. That's the Cybermen, innit. SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!
5. Tad – Lycanthrope
Now THAT'S more like it. Big fat rock riffz from a big fat ex-butcher. Mind you, they'd lost a little of their sheen by the time they recorded this album (Inhaler) and, compared to earlier wonders, it seems just a little pedestrian, really. Still, anything to wash away the ear taste of the previous mumbly nonsense.
6. Black Eyed Peas vs Blondie - Atomic Shut Up
It's the tune of Atomic, with the shitty singing bint from the Black Eyed Peas (STOP ASKING ME WHERE THE LOVE IS YOU TWATS. Try down the back of the big Black Eyed Peas sofa. And cover your stupid tummy up whilst your about it). Works surprisingly well - I have never previously managed to experience more than 14 seconds of the Black Eyed Peas without getting Derek to exterminate a random customer with extreme prejudice. Hell, I like it and it's my sPazTune. So there. Incidentally, it contains the worst emotional threat ever: "stop your talking baby, or I start walking baby". Shut up, or I shall become AMBULATORY! Ooh, harsh. Be quiet, or I'm off for a stroll. Wankers.
7. The Wee Four - Weird
The Wee Four recorded this little garage homage to all things odd way back there in the old 1960s. What the recording fails to document is that the entire quartet were less than four foot three in height and all obsessed with wee sex. Probably for the best really, it might have detracted from the jaunty goodness on offer.
8. Creeping Nobodies - Les Petites Clefs Noir
It's about small black cliffs and they smashed a world record 804 glasses whilst recording it. With the piano. And also did a bit of shouting.
9. Snoop Doggy Dogg - (Tear 'em Off) Me & My Doggz
A Scary Rap Dude. Just not a very good one (not on this album, at any rate). Look, it's Rio Ferdinand rapping! Argh, I've gone voluntarily blind. And deaf. Really not very good at all.
10. The Litter - Confessions (of a Traveller Through Time)
The theme tune to the least known of the Robin Askwith films, the one that was banned after complaints from the BBC and William Hartnell. Probably featured Linda Bellingham getting one of her tits out at some point. Or it would if it existed, which it doesn't. Instead, it's a run of the mill psychey effort by the erstwhile Garage Gods that brought you Action Woman.
11. Silverfish - Mary Brown
Ringo Starr is a complete, useless wanker. He can't drum, he's shit at singing and Thomas the Tank Engine was a televisual travesty on a scale not reached this side of Triangle. He's an ugly, wife-beating, alcoholic balding man with a fucking pony tail. Because he is so fucking useless at drumming, he tends to use his drum sticks to mercilessly jab at the eyes of stoats and weasels that he breeds specifically for the purpose. He was so hated by the rest of the stupid hateful Beatles that if you play Day Tripper backwards, you can hear the other three hitting him with large bits of wood and shouting "fuck off you useless excuse for a drummer, you resemble an orang utan". He sets fire to his neighbour's children on a weekly basis. He never leaves feedback on eBay when he is buying more weasel torturing implements and often tries to get out of paying, because he needs the money for more alcohol and bigger fists with which to beat his harem of ugly wives. Did I mention he can't drum? He's rubbish, is Ringo Starr, really really rubbish. I can't type this anywhere else, because all the Beatles fans get annoyed and insist he is a drumming genius and throw things at me, so I figured I'd be safe if I stuck this in the middle of one my sPazTunes. EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! And do Macca in whilst you're about it. This has nothing to with Silverfish.
12. Beat Happening - Youth
Splendid, gravelly, lo-fi and Ringo free!
13. The Pixies - Head On
Miles better than the JAMC original. Unfortunately for The Pixies, it is also miles better than anything else on Trompe Le Monde (although the titular Trompe le Monde and Alec Eiffel are pretty snazzy too).
14. The Monsters - Pony Tail & a Black Cadillac
The intro is by one of those Curragh µSpeech things you could get for the Spectrum (or at least it sounds like that), which is ace. The rest is a fun little high-powered revivalist garage blast. Strange combination of things to be wishing for, though.
15. Demented are Go - Old Black Joe
Ageist racist psychobillies. Live!
16. Earth - Ouroborus is Broken/Coda Maestoso in Fb Minor
sPazTunes seems to be loving the old Earth these days. Really rather splendid in all the ways I've previously mentioned. If Daleks made music, it would probably sound like this.
17. The Specials - Bright Lights (BBC Sessions)
When they went rubbish and employed a singing woman. Sexist!
18. Hüsker Dü - Löve is Äll Äröünd
Nöt ä cöver, which slightly disäppöints me still. Pleäsänt enöugh, büt nöt a Hüsker Highpöint.
19. I Am Kloot - Cuckoo
I would rather sPazTunes had chosen From Your Favourite Sky. I really like that. I don't really like this. SKIP! SKIP! SKIP!
20. Spruce Bringsteen - Highway Patrolman
That's more like it. A prime slice from Spruce's finest album and the blueprint for Lord Billiam of
Right, I'm off for more ELO and a bucket of Kaled Fried Chicken.
ps. Typical. The next song was a prime slice of THE DIO, doing his thing alonga Ritchie Blackmore's Rainbow. Dammit.
Retardistastic.
No comments:
Post a Comment