So it's been a long time, I shouldn't have left you without a do ... actually, hang on, I was bloody right to leave you, dope shuffle to step to or not. You're an ungrateful bunch and I spoil you rotten with weekly delves into my murky musical world. A week without'll bloody well do you good. Of course, the tough stance would work better if anyone read these, but I don't care. That's right , I don't care. Jam that in your crack pipes and smoke it.
Anyway, been busy. Derek's not here, he's still attempting to track down Craig David for the purpose of extermination thereof. He here is in his new hat (Craig, not Derek):
Very fetching, I'm sure you'll agree. But enough of this tomfoolery, on with El Shuffelo dello Songsio (as the Mexicoans say).
1. Melvins - The Anti-Vermin Seed
It's fifteen minutes long. I'm going to go fetch a drink whilst it's on. It's alright, I'd still be able to hear it, it's big slow thumping beast of a song. Thanks for the concern though, appreciate it. Word.
2. Tool - Parabola
Nice of sPazTunes to open by so cleverly matching songs to my mood (i.e. the grumpy one). No idea what it's about, never do with Tool songs. Probably because I don't actively listen to them, just sit and grump along.
3. Larry and the Blue Notes - In and Out
Thrusting (hur) 60s garage paean to either a) sex, b) the hokey cokey or c) having both claustrophobia and agoraphobia and not being able to make ones mind up. Whatever it is, it's bloody brilliant.
4. The Buff Medways - Into Your Dreams (Single Mix)
Medway blah brilliant blah have to tell you again I might kill you blah.
5. The Third Bardo - I'm Five Years Ahead of My Time
I am you know. I'm typing at you from 2011. Suckers.
6. Uzun Ince Bir Yoldayim - Ozdemir Erdogan Ve Orkestrasi
It's Turkish. I thought that much would have been obvious. It's also psychedlic, man. I may have got the artist and song names the wrong way round. Because I don't speak Turkish, fool.
7. Gravy Train!!!! - Sippin' 40oz
I might have to listen to this again straight after. One listen is just never enough. Measuring liquids by weights is still stupid, mind.
8. Demented are Go! - Love Seeps Like a Festering Sore
Quite.
9. Elvis Presley - The Next Step is Love
Seamless, absolutely seamless. Scary psychobilly into Elvis, couldn't see the join with a fucking microscope. Also, I have acquired a strange and urgent hankering for a cheeseburger. Dammit.
10. Muse - Stockholm Syndrome
Possibly my favourite Muse song (although it might actually be Hysteria that is my favourite). I’m picking a favourite from a really rather small pool of songs as the vast majority of their songs are utter turgid shit, but when they get it right, they get it right in style. And then some. Bitch.
11. theAudience - A Pessimist is Never Disappointed
Maybe not, but people who buy your frigging records often are, you massively moonfaced satellite dish headed bint (I do actually really like this song. And that other one. But this is my favourite. Yes, I have a favourite Audience song. Fuck off! She still has a massive and irritating face though)
12. ODB - Cuttin' Headz (feat. the RZA)
About his shortlived career as a barber. Motherfucker.
13. Mudhoney - The Straight Life
WHEN WILL YOU ALL LISTEN? Consistent and persistent brilliance for nigh on twenty years. Almost certainly always and completely better than your favourite band. Scientists have proved this. IN A FUCKING LABORATORY. With chemicals, test tubes, mice and shit. Little genetically spliced mice that can tell things like how good a band is. Yet still you won't listen. It makes me angry. Grrr. <-- SEE? Grr.
14. Crucifucks - Pig in a Blanket
It's a gentle, almost childlike ditty about watching Babe 2: Pig in the City whilst eating Christmas food and cuddling a tiny porcine pet. Honest it is. Go on, download it, try it. You'll love it. I GUARANTEE IT.
15. Fun Lovin' Criminals - Big Night Out
Only good song on the second album. FACT. In fact, it's the only worthwhile thing any of them ever did after the first album. EVEN MORE TRUE FACT. The end of it is shit, though.
16. JCS OST - Simon Zealotes/Poor
The album of a thousand acronyms. Well, two. Bloody wonderful it is, too. One day you'll all see how wrong you've been. It's got Murray Head on it! Murray Head was great. His first two albums are so splendid that had I the money and/or vaguest of inclinations, I'd buy you all copies of them. If I could choose one person's voice to have, it would be
17. Jesus and Mary Chain - Head On
My favourite JAMC song. And I still prefer the Pixies cover.
18. The Fall - C.R.E.E.P.
One of my very least favourite Fall songs. Big puddle of wank, so it is. Relatively speaking.
19. Tenacious D - Wonderboy
What powers, you ask? How about the power of flight, that do anything for you? That's levitation, Holmes. How about the power to kill at yak - from 200 yards away? WITH MIND BULLETS? That's telekinesis, Kyle.
20. Team
I have the non-bummer remix version as my alarm on my phone. Doesn't half wake you up in a good mood. FUCK YEAH!
I trust that was as unenlightening for you as it was unsatisfying for me. I'm a benevolent soul.
Sweet toasty Moses, that was good.
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