DROKK YOU, LAWBREAKER!

For some reason, the intro to this particular plunge into the sPazAmpular past reads like some kind of relaunch. Like when 2000ad swallowed up Starlord and they sort of started Strontium Dog all over again, almost as though the Starlord adventures hadn't happened, but not quite as though it were entirely new. Odd, can't remember why (the sPazAmp bit, not the Johnny Alpha bit. I get that bit, I do know about comics). Hey ho. Let's go!

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Being a shuffleological sPazAmpvert, I've decided to waste many, many minutes of my life recording my listening habits accompanied by inane blatherings and then firing the completed missive into the cold, uncaring and very possibly ear-less internets.

My shuffles are like my beloved United. Nobody likes them, and we don't care.

Anyway, settle down comfortably, chisel some of the cement from your ears, and I'll begin...


1. Queen - Ogre Battle
Way to ruin Saturday, shufflegods. Not content with the stench filled shit thrown at me through the working day (granted, probably not their direct responsibility. That's probably down to the IB Claimant Gods. If they exist. And, if they do, provided they aren't off sick with "tremors" or near-terminal sciatica), it flings this piece of musical poo at my head at the start of the shuffle. Oh world, why must you taunt me so.

2. Chico Magnetic Band - Cross Town Traffic
Now this is more likely. Crazy French psych-prog band from the very early seventies vastly improves Jimi Hendrix (some might argue that such a feat is far from difficult, and even go on to say that Jimi managed it himself by carking it. But I would never be so cruel). But the best bit about how they vastly improve it is that they patently believe themselves to be faithfully covering it. And yet it goes geniusly awry. How splendid.

3. Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick and Fucking Titch - Hold Tight
Rip off sixties luminous pop vomit. And not in a good way.

4. Carter USM - Do Re Me, So Far So Good
A long way from my favourite Carter effort. Not without redeeming features (catchy chorus, as per usual), but it hardly scales the heights and slips into a big mucky pit signposted as "the big bunch of moderately successful and popular Carter songs that all sound the same, really". And not particularly in a good way.

5. Tindersticks - Sweet Memory
I have one of those. Ah, the lovely wine gums I had on the bus this morning at seven in the morning. Were I to compile a list of least favourite Tindersticks songs (an unlikely prospect, but you never know. You really don't), this would be right up there. Or down there, depending on how you look at it. It's like Coldplay gone gently country. And not in a good way (there is no good way for that).

6. The Southwest F.O.B. - Green Skies
Texas psychey garage that can't make it's mind up who or what to be. Oh, to tinkle the hammond, oh to jangle the guitars, oh to go for moody brooding psychpop, oh to suddenly introduce a brass element for no reason. Oh to sod it, let's shove them all in. And not in a good way.

7. Randy Alvey & the Green Fuz - Green Fuz
A marvelous thing. An original that the Cramps couldn't improve. Didn't happen often, but nothing could top the utterly heartfelt, musically incompetent, recorded in a bathtub on a one-track (or possibly half-track. Or possibly not, as that's a type of military vehicle) binatone dictaphone with faulty wiring. The drummer doesn't drum, he just falls into his kit now and again. The singer tries to make being "the green fuz" sound like the most menacingly cool and dangerous thing there is. The guitarist plays a different song. And in a very good way indeed.

8. Melvins- Flex With You (2)
Speed Melvins. Positively races along by their standards. Over in less than a minute, too. Nice.

9. Earth - Phase 3: Agni Detonating over the Thar Desert
Exactly what it says on the tin. It's as it sounds. It's fucking wonderful. It really is bliss. Well, some kind of bliss. No, not that some kind of bliss. Calm down Jona.

10. The Bambi Molesters - Tremor
Now THAT'S what I call mixing (vol. 86). Armageddon in drone form followed by THE TWANG. Lovely.

11. The Solarflares - The Mountain
Not sure which mountain he means. The Eiger, perhaps. Don't care, really. Graham Day could sing about a big pile of non-recyclable rubbish and it'd be fucking superb.

12. Boredoms - Your Name is Limitless
No it isn't. But your aceness is.

13. The Dickies - Nights in White Satin
I can't abide the original. I haven't much time for the Dickies. It's a fucking dismal excuse for a no win situation. Damn you, shufflegods *shakes fist*

14. The Fall - Shoulder Pads 1
That makes for a foolishly lopsided jacket, you pleb.

15. Hawkwind - Seven by Seven
Ace despite, no BECAUSE it always makes me think of the Stone'enge song in Spinal Tap.

16. Hugo Montenegro - Secret Agent Man
For some reason, they were playing this at Bolton bus station this afternoon. One of the most surreal musical experiences, toes uncontrollably a-tappin' whilst waiting for the number 8 bus in the dingiest bus stop ever surrounded by inbred pie-fondling yonners carting off their cheap tat booty from the market next door. Yeah!

17. Soulsavers - Ghosts of You and Me
Not my favourite Mark Lanegan's Patented Whisky Raddled Sex in Violently Harsh Cigarette Enhanced Voice Form vehicle, but hey, it's still The Lanegan. And therefore good. Yes, so.

18. Jack and Jim - Midnight Monster's Hop
I have no idea who Jack or Jim are, but I often thank them (not in person. If I could do that, I'd have some idea who they are/were. Obv.) for making a wonderful little late fifties monster-themed boptastic hopsong. In the peloton of late fifties monster-themed boptastic hopsongs pursuing the yellow jersey of Bert Convy.

19. Fun Lovin' Criminals - King of New York
One of only three rather tremendous reasons for Fun Lovin' Criminals being allowed to exist. All other musical examples perpetrated by them are michelin starred heaps of caterpillar excrement that contravene all laws of taste, decency and curiously, Guatemala.

20. The Kills - The Good Ones
Oh, the bitter irony.


Thanks for listening, now pack up and ship out. Or pack up and fuck off, it's up to you really.


I'm talking to myself. As well as typing to myself.