The pie done gone.

I etted it.

---

A quickfire (i.e. only ten. Which isn't quickfire at all. It's just shorter) Roxy Music shuffle, including the two Bry(i)an's solo output, but sadly lacking Phil Manzanera's, 801, the Explorers or Andy Mackay (they're all still on vinyl. Which is a particular shame with regards to Andy Mackay, as it denies the chance of a saxophone based instrumental version of Ride of the Valkyries).

Enjoy it, or else. The shuffle is still at risk of getting it. IN THE SHUFFLE HEAD.


1. In Every Dream Home a Heartache
A pleasing start. Perverted nonsense about blow-up dolls and posh houses with posh taps. Nice brooding start, big Manzanera freakout at the end. Five and half minutes of nonsensical, perverted perfection. With taps!

Watch Bryan Ferry sweat and pretend to play a guitar. Witness Paul Thompson's visible delight when he finally gets to hit something properly with his drumsticks. See Brian Eno grind pepper. He's dressed as a peacock!


2. Brian Eno - Here Come the Warm Jets
Oi, you. Yes, you. Blokey out of Flaming Lips. Brian wants his tune back. And David Essex wants his early eighties head back.

3. Bryan Ferry - These Foolish Things
Admirable display of impartiality by the sPazAmp. Bryan indulging himself to splendid effect. Should be rubbish, is actually great.

See Bryan flick ash at a tiny ashtray woman.



4. Roxy Music - 2HB
The song about the acting pencil from the 40s. Still sounds slightly like music from the future. And from space. And the past. Retro space future music about pencils. It's the way forward. And back. One of my favourite songs ever.

5. Roxy Music - All I Want is You
Full-on pop tastiness mode, this time. Effortlessly cool, gloriously good fun.

See Paul Thompson try and drum his way into Mao's Communist Party. Watch Bryan Ferry try and sneak into the Gestapo. Witness Andy Mackay's audition for Showaddywaddy.



6. Bryan Ferry - What Goes On
Bryan lets me down, lets himself down, and lets the school down. He does a good job, maybe even improves the song, but he can't change the fact that it's a completely arse song by complete cocksocket [/reed heresy].

See Bryan grow a (really good) beard because Antony Price told him to. Watch him hobble up and down stairs. Worry about Bryan's congenital stoop. Marvel at his entire lack of ability to dance like a human. Wonder how he still manages to be cool.



7. Brian Eno - Dead Finks Don't Talk
Two Eno, both from Here Come the Warm Jets. Good work, sPazAmp. Have a biscuit.

8. Bryan Ferry - It's My Party
Imagine your favourite version of the song. Then multiply it by a frillion, and that's how good this is (n.b. this process doesn't work if this is already your favourite version).

Apropos of whimsy, random eighties samurai and the fact that a tiny ten year old shoelace had a massive, inexplicable crush on Barbara, here's Dave Stewart and Barbara Gaskin's version.



9. Bryan Ferry - Is Your Love Strong Enough
Yes thanks, Bryan, and I'll thank you to stop testing it out. From the film Legend which, IMDB has just told me, featured Tom Cruise. Thankfully he isn't in the video and my forgetfulness is allowed given that the 14 year old shoelace had other cast members to have a massive, inexplicable crush on. Yes, it was Tim Curry. Only kidding, it was Mia Sara. Well, to be entirely honest, I think it was Princess Lily I had the crush on, I don't recall being bothered about her in other films (Ferris Bueller, for instance).

Continue to marvel at what Bryan thinks passes for dancing on Earth. Say hello to a brief appearance by Dave Gilmour (the guitar sound is obvious, even if he isn't). See Bryan walk spastically up supposedly invisible stairs that you can clearly see. Ask yourself the question "WHAT THE FUCK ARE THOSE SLEEVES ALL ABOUT?" (please note that given I was 14, I know full well what those sleeves were all about and I can only apologise).



10. Roxy Music - Would You Believe?
I would. Splendid retro future past space honky tonk thing with awesome drumming. Thanks Paul Thompson.

Here's Bryan Ferry comparing beards with Kenny Everett.


Yeah, happy new year and that. BYE.