Next Shuffle Please. Thankyou.

The momentous 50th shuffle. Undertaken shortly after declaring that I couldn't be arsed at the end of the last one. I LIED.

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Turns out I could be arsed. Rather than continue the Psychobilly sPazOut! (tm), I thought I'd do another, completely and utterly and totally random one. Absolutely unbiased, with neither fear nor favour. So here it is. The fabled sleeveless sPazAmp of yore.


1. Jethro Tull - Quizz Kid
A fine opening. Can't spell "quiz", but hey, that's the crazy genius of The Tull for you. Despite loving and listening to this since about 1983, I'm not entirely sure what it's about. Hopefully not The Eggheads, because they're all twats. I could easily beat them on my own. No, really. I've been banned from upwards of one pub quiz for winning it too much. I'd particularly like to slap the one who patently wears far too much mascara, the massive nob. Like all the best Tull openers (for this was, after all, something of a concept album, like most of them), it contains a curious mix of hope, melancholy and ROCK FLUTE. It also has a slight overture-like snippet of the big near-end song. Which points to it's conceptness, but does little to explain it. The later ones do, clearly, but the opener just waffles on and on (in a musically wonderful way) about being good at quizzes. Bizarre.

2. Jethro Tull - Crazed Institution
Presumably where you end up if you obsess over pub quizzes. Not the most random of selections, being as it is the second track on Too Old to Rock'n'Roll, Too Young to Die! (the previous entry being, as stated at a belaboured length, the opening track). Really not sure how such an unrandom occurrence occurred. I shall have to investigate. Keeps the album chugging along, fitting seamlessly and tunefully into the whole, without genuinely standing out as a solo listen (despite the fine flutage). A bit like The Temple from JCS in that respect.

3. Jethro Tull - Salamander
Honestly, this is getting ridiculous. The third Jethro Tull song in a row? And, what is more, the third Jethro Tull song from Too Old to Rock'n'Roll, Too Young to Die! in a row - and in ORDER? Clearly not the most random of events, sPazAmp. People will be casting nasturtiums at me at this rate. Much in the manner of the previous song, it features a welter of excellent flutage and mood extending, with little actual development or stand alone songness. Although the fluting is TOP FUCKING NOTCH, I can tell you. As, indeed, I just did!

4. Jethro Tull - Taxi Grab
Involves having a very big hand and a mighty strong grip. I'm gathering by this point that a) it's about the impendingly middle-aged protagonist's unfulfilling night out and b) it's not random at all, I've chosen to shuffle the entirety of Too Old to Rock'n'Roll, Too Young to Die!, in a non-shuffled, non-random manner because it so fucking wonderful and gigantically, catastrophically underrated. Even by Tull fans. Which is quite some going, as they tend to worship the smallest of Ian Anderson's parps. They even like The Crest of a Knave, and that's actually been proved to be less musically enjoyable than the smallest of Ian Anderson's parps.

5. Jethro Tull - From a Deadbeat to an Old Greaser
It's a bit of a weird album. Not in a bad way, there isn't a bad note on it. It's just that it does the whole concept album thing by general tone of song. Most concept albums beat you over the head with it through lyrics and the like. Even previous Tull epics did that. All you need with this is the album title, the album on vinyl (so you have to turn it over half way through, the pause is important) and a pair of ears. After that you get the point, repeatedly, all the way through, and end up wanting to have a bit of a little mancry. Especially if you're nearly 36. This song in particular is a bit lovely. Hugely lovely, and sad, to be honest. If it wasn't for the fact they released the nearly as wonderful Songs From the Wood and Heavy Horses afterwards, it would have been a poignantly apposite album in their own career. Or, to look at it more positively, I'm good for a revival of two more metaphorical album's worth before I end up a parody of myself, whoring myself around venues filled with a steadily decreasing supply of hardcore obsessives. I'm quite aware of that metaphor dying a disturbing death about a third of the way through, ta.

6. Jethro Tull - Bad-Eyed and Loveless
About a squinting brass. Possibly. Sort of bluesy in between song. Which is a nice way of saying filler, because it's nice.

7. Jethro Tull - Big Dipper
Starting to sort of reprise the opening, only in a more downbeat fashion. Except it's not downbeat. Hard to explain (especially at two in the morning) - it's more a subtle shift, a slight inversion of the hope and melancholy, with a retention of the awesome ROCK FLUTE. As part of the second side, it forms part of the momentum. You're waiting for something more, something with a bigger point, a more potent edge, and the song leaves you in no doubt that's it is on it's way. That sounds twatty, and it very possibly is. Do I care? Do I billy bollocks, cementheads.

8. Jethro Tull - Too Old to Rock'n'Roll, Too Young to Die!
If this isn't one of the best songs in rockdom, and one third of the greatest closing three songs of any album ever, then I'll eat my hat. And I don't eat hats, as a) they aren't food and b) I'm a committed vestitarian. I recently reimmersed myself in this, and found myself wondering if it's massive appeal was down to a non-literal reflection of me staring the 36-45 age bracket square in the face. Then I remembered I loved it just as much, and in just the same way when I was 14. And 18. And 26. It's just bloody right. It's just my luck that it's now an actual for me, rather than an appreciated abstract. Oh well, I still look good in a vest. Uplifting, sad, fantastic, melancholy, undercracker splittlingly awesome, and ultimately very soddingly right. One might quibble about the lack of ROCK FLUTE but really, the song is so arse-shreddingly awesome, you just don't need it. And that's quite the claim. Note: I do not plan to end it all on the A1 by Scotch Corner. My mid-life crisis is not yet so advanced.

9. Jethro Tull - Pied Piper
Can't really be listened to on it's own, has to be right after "Too Old to Rock'n'Roll, Too Young to Die!" Another one where the lyrics really don't matter. It just works for the album - TOTRAR,TYTD! has a big, final, climactic feel to it - Ray's probably smashed his Harley into an eighteen wheeler on the foolishly small A1 by Scotch Corner and it's all over. Thus, this acts the part played by all softer songs that follow big finishes on fine albums (think Bar Italia on Different Class, cementheads). It's the gentle, slightly ethereal come down. The soothing song, easing you out of the album, wittering about pied pipers and mad bikers. But The Tull are too good for your conventions, dude. You get the third part, both climactic movement closer and ear-soothing exit. That's why you should all worship the Fucking Tull. That, and the massive ROCK FLUTE.

10. Jethro Tull - The Chequered Flag (Dead or Alive)
A quarter of a century, and I still can't make up my mind. Can't decide what the album advocates. Maybe you should end it all. Or maybe it's only a metaphorical end, and you realise that you're just different afterwards - not the same, but no worse and no better. More attention to the lyrics might solve that - I doubt it, but they might - however I wouldn't want to ruin the glorious ambiguity the title and the feel of the song provide. Maybe you should leave in one last blaze of glory, maybe you should survive the attempt, maybe it'll all be alright regardless, you just don't know. The Tull certainly didn't, and different views would give different answers regarding their career. The only downside is how music ignores their attempt to work out what the question was, even if they didn't know the answer.

If you had half a brain, you'd be off down the flea market, searching for albums with a yellow/black combination cover under "J". But, likely as not, you don't. It's your loss, cementheads, and you'll regret not taking my advice when you find yourself staring at a form and having to tick an age-bracket that slightly perturbs you. When that day comes, then spare me a thought. I'll likely as not be in a nursing home, smelling faintly of cabbage.

Bye, young'uns!

*Edit* Firstly, I think I neglected to point out how wonderful "Chequered Flag (Dead or Alive)" is on it's own, regardless of it's place in the album. All by itself, it's enough to induce a tiny mancry. As part of the closing triumvirate, well, it's a certainty every time (even if they are invisible, internal mancries). Wonderfully orchestrated, soaring wonder, in Tull form. Secondly, that is my fiftieth shuffle. I'd like to be able to mark the combination of a significant milestone and a diminishing urge to continue by swearing that I'd do no more, but I'm fairly sure that the fun of sPazAmping will have me back just as soon as I have bourbon and enough spare time. But still, I felt the occasion warranted me noticing, and I'm more than suitably proud of the resultant shuffle. Now shoo.