Hello? Is it me you're looking for?

No Lionel, it isn't. I'm blind you heartless bastard, after this little display I sort of regret making a giant clay model of your head.

More sPazAmpular japes ahoy!

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A Psychobilly sPazOut! (tm). Warning, may contain traces of garage. And nuts.


1. King Kurt - Gather Your Limbs
One of the better efforts from the bequiffed purveyors of novelty twatdom. Not THE best, that's something else. But still, less annoying than some of them, and more catchily pleasing than most. Not sure why he thinks I've strewn my limbs all about the place. Here they are, poncing about on a stage nearly 25 years ago.

Warning: May contain traces of quiffs.



2. Screaming Lord Sutch - Jack the Ripper
Lonely mentalist parliamentary wannabe, RIP in peace. Always much better sticking to the music (but not on stage, he was shit on stage). Here's a film made for it with a budget of approximately tuppence ha'penny.

Warning: May contain traces of the fact that it's the original sixties version, whereas I was listening to his superior 1982 cover of his own song. It has far superior hornage.



3. The Reverend Horton Heat - Love Whip
She said baby what's around your waist, it was my love whip. Just next to my enormously lengthy cock. Some of this may not be part of the lyrics. Saucy. No youtube for this, the nearest it offered was a clip of some fat losers performing a version in what appeared to be shed.

Caution: May contain traces of an absent youtube due to fat loser issues.

4. Link Wray - Fatback
Everyone's favourite one-lunged part-shawnee guitar-innovatory motherblubber. Cast-iron bastard genius. RIP in peace, also. Again, the youtube is absent. Couldn't be bothered.

Caution: May contain traces of not being anything to do with The Fatback Band. Fortunately.

5. The Highliners - Henry the Wasp
A pleasant, cheery, if a little one paced semi-novelty almostbilly diversion. Not their best, mainly because it stretches itself over far too many minutes. Nearly four. I'm not really sure there are nearly four minutes to said about being stung by a wasp called Henry. Not sure? Judge for yourself with an awesomely cheap and practically inaudible video involving a tiny model wasp with a quiff.

Caution: May contain traces of lurid and possibly inadvertently camp purple shorts and/or DMs.



6. Demented are Go - Surf Ride to Oblivion
Splendid gravelly voiced most psycho of billy, partly from Cardiff. No youtube of the song, best I could do is a frankly awesome (if you're a nerdy RPG player) video of someone with the Oblivion construction set and far too much time on their hands. Well worth watching (if you're a nerd. Like me).

Caution: May contain latent traces of Roy Castle and/or Record Breakers.



7. Gene Vincent & the Bluecaps - Who Slapped John?
Wasn't me chief, I barely touched him. Wasn't nowhere near him, honest squire. Ah, the musical genius of sweet Gene Vincent. Bloody marvelous. Do yourself a favour - listen to this song and watch the youtube of Ian Dury singing about him (also cocking brilliant) and I can guarantee you will be four percent less cementheaded by the end of it.

Caution: May contain traces of pointy sideburns.



8. Batmobile - Ballroom Blitz
Everybody's favourite Dutch Psychobilly band named after a superhero's car. FACT. Here's t'Sweet performing their original.

Caution: May contain traces of rough scottish blokes dressed as women.


9. The Meteors - Attack of the Zorchmen
Hot bastard damn! I could elaborate, but really, it would be patronising. Even for the cementheads. Watch, marvel and learn. Also, thank the stars that it involves Nigel "Lurch" Lewis singing, thus sparing you P. Paul Fenech's chubby little hamster face.

Caution: May contain traces of unnecessary torso-based stage nudity.



10. Screaming Jay Hawkins - Frenzy
If love gushes from my heart, like water from a spout. Gushes? Are you sure you mean "heart", Jalacy? Saucy. Another one for the RIP in peace. Honestly, the lengths some folk will go to in order to avoid the CSA. Although, to be fair, it was for about 75 kids in his case. A bona fide cast iron guaranteed massive and incontrovertible legendary musical genius. Plus his original of "I Put a Spell on You" pisses on Nina Manvoice Simone's from space. Watch him entertain the crowd and remain in fine, jealousy inducing voice well into his sixth decade.

Caution: May contain traces of extremely inexpert camera work.




So there you go, cementheads. I cannot be arsed doing anymore, that's your lot.

BYE. Imho.